As a burned-out mom, you know what it’s like to put too much pressure on yourself and outstrip your resources. Sometimes, it can feel like life’s out of balance, and you’re teetering on the edge of a precipice.
When this happens, it’s not uncommon to feel physically unwell and notice damage to your relationships with your children and partner.
You constantly feel that no one notices all the hard work you do and your contributions. It’s like you’re chained to your house and can’t seem to get away. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
In this blog, we’ll discuss the causes behind your current emotional state, how to recognize any symptoms you may be experiencing, and how to effectively communicate your feelings to others. Then we’ll explore strategies for overcoming the challenges of being an exhausted mother.
What Is Maternal Burnout?
If you’re feeling burnt out as a mom, you’re not alone.
Maternal burnout is extreme exhaustion caused by uncontrolled chronic stress1, which can lead to mental, emotional, and physical symptoms that attack and destroy overall well-being.
If you’re a burned-out mom, you might feel a sense of failure that makes you try harder and causes you to feel even worse2, resulting in an inability to consider new viewpoints or ideas.
Women are more likely to experience this, especially those with high education levels or stay-at-home parents.
Maternal burnout has consequences for parents and children, including:
- Decreased emotional availability and engagement
- Increased conflicts
- Reduced overall well-being
How Do You Explain Mommy Burnout?
Mommy burnout is a commonly experienced phenomenon among mothers who are constantly handling parenting responsibilities, are working or stay-at-home moms, and do other household tasks… all while stressing over the invisible mother’s load of parenting.
It’s characterized by emotional exhaustion and physical fatigue, resulting from:
- The constant demands of parenthood
- The lack of support or time for self-care
- Societal expectations of perfection
Mama burnout can decrease life satisfaction, make parents emotionally unavailable, and leave them feeling unsettled as the functional aspects of parenting take over the emotional aspects3.
Is Mommy Burnout A Real Thing?
The stress and pressure of raising children require a significant amount of time, energy, and resources, leading to mommy burnout, a real thing.
An imbalance between resources and demands causes mommy burnout symptoms, such as emotional exhaustion, cynicism or depersonalization, and decreased efficiency4.
Additionally, studies have shown that many Americans feel pressured to work too much, causing them to crave more family time, and they would even take less money to get it5.
What Does Mom Burnout Feel Like?
Being a burned-out mom feels like chronic frustration and a sense of being emotionally drained.
Mothers experiencing burnout may feel like they are running on empty and have trouble finding movement in their daily activities. They may also feel like they are constantly giving and not receiving anything in return.
What Does Mommy Exhaustion Feel Like?
Mommy burnout can feel like extreme exhaustion, no matter how much sleep you get6. The tiredness can be intense and lead to a lack of energy throughout the day, causing a massive shortage in your “normal” energy levels.
This perpetual exhaustion can lead to disorientation and a decrease in memory function. You may even fall asleep at the wheel.
What Does Motherhood Burnout Feel Like?
Motherhood burnout can manifest in physical anxiety symptoms, which may intensify during waking hours7. It can also make one feel inadequate in all aspects of life, especially parenting.
Mother burnout also feels like:
- You’ve reached the end of your rope
- A severe fuel shortage
- Cynicism and distrustfulness8
- Being unsure about your effectiveness in parenting
- Constant feelings of worry, guilt, and shame
- Overall body aches and tension
What Does Maternal Burnout Look Like?
Maternal burnout manifests as neglecting the emotional aspects of parenting and focusing solely on functional tasks9. This can result in strained parent-child relationships, increased emotional distancing, and limited interactions.
In other words, a burned-out mom may do the bare minimum for their children10, disregarding the essential emotional connection crucial for healthy parent-child relationships.
Additionally, a burned-out mom gets stuck in rigid ways of thinking11, which can also cause you to float through the motions of the day without any absolute joy. As a result, you no longer find pleasure in activities you once looked forward to.
Being a burned-out mom is linked to several severe consequences12, including:
- Addiction
- Health problems
- Marital issues
- Avoidance
- Suicidal thoughts
What Causes Mommy Burnout?
Becoming a burnt-out mom doesn’t occur suddenly. Instead, it stems from multiple factors.
Keep reading to understand the underlying causes of mommy burnout better.
Societal Expectations
The culture a parent lives in can pose a risk or provide protective factors for burnout.
Living a Western lifestyle can lead to parental burnout, which affects approximately 5% of parents15. Interestingly, some African countries have low burnout, while certain Western nations like the US, Belgium, and Poland have a prevalence of over 8%.
Some ways societal expectations contribute to mom burnout are:
- The demands to be the perfect mother
- Balancing work and family
- Financial stress
- Being judged harshly for parenting choices
- Feeling inadequate from comparing yourself to other moms
- Overcommitting yourself and your family
Mismanagement Of Chronic Stress
When moms don’t appropriately manage short-term and long-term stress, it can negatively affect their mental and physical health.
For example, short-term stress can lead to irritability, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. In contrast, long-term stress can cause more severe health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and depression.
Prolonged exposure to stress can also weaken the immune system, making a burned-out mom more susceptible to illness and disease.
In addition, unmanaged stress can cause adverse behavioral changes such as increased alcohol or drug use, overeating, or a lack of exercise.
Loss Of Identity Outside Of Parenting
When parenting becomes all-consuming, and there’s no balanced sense of self outside of it, moms can become unfulfilled and stuck in their role as a parent.
In addition, they may begin to neglect other important aspects of their identity, such as hobbies, interests, relationships, and career aspirations.
The unfavorable outcomes that result when a burned-out mom neglects her ambitions and hobbies are:
- Regret for not pursuing dreams
- Boredom; life may become dull and tedious
- Lack of fulfillment, purpose, and meaning
- Lack of direction and a sense of aimlessness
- Low self-esteem and confidence
- Feelings of depression and stagnation
- Lack of motivation
- A smaller social circle that fuels isolation
- Reduced personal development
A Burned-out Mom & Perfectionism
The perfectionism tendency to overgeneralize negative experiences, incessantly dwell on past mistakes, and adopt all-or-nothing thinking can exacerbate burnout symptoms16.
Perfectionism may lead to burnout due to its connection with the following:
- Setting excessively high standards
- Engaging in severe self-criticism
- Never taking any breaks
- Procrastination and avoidance of tasks
- Fear of failure causing missed opportunities
- Decidophobia and exhaustion from overanalyzing
- A constant need for validation from others
- The tendency to overgeneralize failure
Lastly, perfectionism harms one’s sense of worth and anxiety levels.
Lack Of Sleep, Nutrition, And Exercise
A lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and exercise can negatively affect a mom’s physical, emotional, and mental health in many ways, ultimately leading her to burnout.
It can also set a bad example for children, instilling bad habits and an unhealthy lifestyle.
Here are some of the specific ways poor sleep, nutrition, and exercise can impact a burned-out mom:
Lack of sleep:
- Mood changes and irritability at the littlest things
- Reduced ability to focus and concentrate on tasks
- Increased risk of accidents and injuries
- Weakened immune system
- Severe exhaustion causing tunnel vision
- Elevated threat for high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke
- Increased risk for anxiety and depression
Poor nutrition:
- Low energy levels and fatigue
- Difficulty maintaining a healthy weight
- An immune system that has been weakened
- Increased risk for heart disease, cancer, and diabetes
- Poor cognitive function and reduced ability to concentrate
Lack of exercise:
- Decreased muscle strength and endurance
- Weight gain and increased risk of obesity
- Elevated threat for chronic diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, and some types of cancer
- Poor bone density and increased risk of fractures
- Reduced flexibility and mobility
- Decreased overall quality of life
A Burned-out Mom & Unrealistic Expectations
Having extreme, unrealistic expectations can cause burnout by putting constant pressure, stress, and feelings of inadequacy on mothers.
When moms constantly strive to meet unrealistic expectations, it can ultimately lead to exhaustion, frustration, and feelings of failure when they inevitably fall short.
Unfortunately, this can also cause moms to neglect their self-care too.
Other adverse outcomes of having extreme expectations are:
- High levels of anxiety and stress
- Frustration from unmet expectations, possibly leading to depression
- Feelings of failure and low self-esteem
- Disappointment and letdown
- Resentment towards others and strained relationships
- Negative self-talk and self-criticism
- Feeling paralyzed and procrastinating on taking action
- Impulsivity or taking needless risks
- Overspending or taking unnecessary financial risks
A Burned-Out Mom & Multitasking
Multitasking may feel like a way to increase productivity, but it can have several adverse effects on cognitive performance and well-being.
When switching between tasks, there is often a “switching cost” in terms of time and mental effort required to refocus on the new job, leading to decreased efficiency and quality of work.
Additionally, attempting to complete multiple tasks simultaneously can lead to the following:
- Increased stress
- Reduced ability to focus and retain information
- Increased distractibility and reduced ability to filter out irrelevant information
- Increased errors and mistakes due to lack of full attention
- Decreased creativity and problem-solving abilities
- Difficulty in prioritizing tasks and making informed decisions
- Work-life balance suffers from divided attention, negatively impacting personal relationships
Why Do I Feel Burnt Out As A Mom?
Parenting can be physically and emotionally exhausting, particularly for women who may have been socialized to prioritize the needs of others17.
Recent literature indicates that certain types of parents, such as mothers, single parents, parents of young or ill/disabled children, and those who experience neuroticism, depression, or perfectionism, may be at higher risk for parental burnout than others18.
Continue reading to discover additional factors contributing to your feelings of being a burned-out mom.
Being A People Pleaser
Being a people pleaser can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of fulfillment.
Constantly putting the needs of others before your own, you have a deep desire to be liked and accepted by others, often going out of your way to ensure that others are happy, even at your expense.
Being a people pleaser can cause you to become a burned-out mom in the following ways:
- Prioritizing others’ needs above your own
- Overcommitting yourself from the difficulty of saying “no”
- Reduced quality time with family
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Constantly seeking approval
- Neglecting personal goals
- A lack of boundaries
- Heightened anxiety and stress
- Physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion
Experiencing A Major Life Change
Experiencing an unexpected significant life change can be particularly challenging for mothers already worn out from the daily demands of caring for their families.
For instance, if a mother loses her job, she may struggle to provide for her family and adjust to her new financial situation while also dealing with the grief of losing her job. Similarly, balancing her health needs with caring for her family can be challenging if a mother is diagnosed with a severe illness.
The added responsibilities and stress can lead to burnout, leaving the mother exhausted and overwhelmed.
Poor Self-Management
The lack of self-management can lead to a burned-out mom by increasing stress levels, reducing productivity, and causing neglect of personal care.
Balancing responsibilities such as work, childcare, household chores, and personal needs becomes challenging for moms who struggle with self-management skills. In addition, poor time prioritization can lead to feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and neglecting sleep, exercise, and hobbies that bring joy.
Chronic long-term stress, missed deadlines, and disorganization are some of the negative consequences of poor self-management leading to low productivity, decreased motivation, and burnout.
Moms may also experience strained relationships with colleagues, decreased job satisfaction, and career advancement difficulties.
Unhealthy Relationship With Social Media
Social media can create unrealistic expectations of what motherhood should be like. Through curation and idealization, social media platforms present a perfected version of motherhood that can make moms feel inadequate.
Additionally, social media causes constant comparison and pressure to measure up to unrealistic expectations.
When moms spend too much time on social media, it can also hinder valuable real-life interactions and vital self-care practices crucial for maintaining mental well-being.
A Mother's Invisible Load
A mother’s load creates significant pressure as moms strive to stay on top of everything on their plates.
Working moms report that their duties lead to burnout, with 69 percent saying they experience a mental load and half feeling overwhelmed by household tasks19.
Fathers often don’t see the constant mental load and planning required for family life, frequently engaging in only “fun tasks” like playtime20.
Is It Normal To Feel Burnout As A Mom?
Motherhood is a demanding job that can leave one feeling completely depleted. The responsibilities involved in raising children require an immense amount of hard work, patience, and resilience.
Yet, despite the endless tasks and duties, many mothers put their needs last and fail to schedule any downtime for themselves.
Aside from simply educating and ensuring that their kids are healthy, parents are now expected to do everything in their power to help their children develop into well-rounded individuals21, fostering emotional security and promoting self-worth.
However, these demands come with an emotional and physical cost that a lack of external support can amplify22.
The elevated pressure on parents began to take hold after World War II23. Psychologists stepped in to provide advice on how to raise children, and as a result, parents’ expectations intensified over time.
The pressure to ensure their children excel in school and participate in multiple extracurricular activities, including sports, can lead to burnout, especially when the push for perfection plays out on social media.
In addition, busy schedules involving after-school activities and appointments can leave parents feeling utterly worn out. As a result, many parents find themselves more exhausted than ever before.
Is It Normal To Not Enjoy Being A Mom?
It’s essential to recognize that parenting can be challenging, and not everyone always enjoys it. Sometimes, feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and even dissatisfied is normal.
However, taking care of yourself and seeking help if you struggle with these feelings regularly is vital.
Support groups and resources are available to help mom and wife burnout and cope with these emotions, plus make the most of your journey.
How Do You Beat Mom Burnout?
To overcome the exhaustion and stress of being a mom, prioritize leisure activities that make you happy, seek support from loved ones, and practice stress-reducing techniques such as mindfulness and staying present.
Remember, you are irreplaceable, and self-care is essential.
Stay active and maintain a positive mindset, focusing on progress instead of perfectionism.
Establish boundaries, avoid overbooking yourself and your family, and say “no” when necessary.
Keep reading for more mommy burnout help ideas.
How To Deal With Mom Burnout
When you’re a burned-out mom, it can be helpful to identify the factors behind it, such as your financial situation, being a younger parent, and your children’s characteristics, including their age and any special needs.
Once identified, you can look for creative solutions to lessen their burden.
Adopt Better Habits To Help Emotional Health
It’s also essential to address any bad habits that may exacerbate your burnout, such as the following:
- Overextending yourself
- Overcoming perfectionism
- Lack of communication
- High expectations
- Neglecting or not setting boundaries
- Allowing unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or other substances
- Comparing yourself to others
- Being overly critical of yourself and others
- Never asking for help or seeking support
Reducing friction in your life, such as toxic relationships, can also be helpful24; it slows you down and requires more effort, making it harder to get through your daily tasks.
Additionally, communication and teamwork are crucial to navigating the challenges of parenthood.
Another great idea is to consider creating a family self-care plan; one that addresses everyone’s needs and schedules regular check-ins to ensure everyone feels supported and on track.
How Do Moms Recover From Burnout?
Simplify Your Outer Life And Develop Your Inner Strength
If you’re feeling burnt out on being a mom, you can aim for simplicity by decluttering your outer life.
According to Roberto Assagioli, M.D., simplifying one’s external existence and nurturing inner strengths are essential in dealing with life’s challenges25.
It’s impossible to do everything, be everything and be everywhere.
Identify what you want and prioritize what matters; focus on one task until completed, prioritize simplicity over complexity, and quality over quantity.
Your goal should be to keep life simple, uncomplicated, and enriching.
Remember, any effort towards minimalism that reduces belongings and maximizes participation in life is beneficial.
Discover Your Genius Zone
When you notice that you are experiencing diminishing returns, it may be time to pivot.
Elaine Welteroth encourages you to discover your genius zone26, that perfect intersection of your passions, talents, skills, and values, the things you prioritize over money. Then, be open to reinventing yourself.
Are you feeling stagnant? Take a step back and consider your options carefully, not letting your emotions take over.
Prioritize your goals and decide which are most important. Remember, you can pursue every dream in life, just not all at once.
Find External Support For Motherhood Burnout
When stressed, the body craves female connection, so remember the importance of building a support network if you’re feeling like a burnout mommy.
A mentor, friend, family member, or doctor can offer valuable assistance.
If a mentor is your preferred source of support, search for someone who can relate to your situation, perhaps a mother whose children are now grown up27.
If you can’t find a mentor, try seeking one out through counseling services or a local hospital, or you can always purchase a great book to gain access to mentorship.
With proper guidance, you can save precious time on trial and error. Therefore, finding the right mentor is crucial.
Another way to alleviate mommy burnout is to reconnect or establish connections with mommy friends. Even if you don’t have much in common, the mere fact of having children can provide a bond.
To expand your social circle, consider taking a local hobby class, volunteering, or connecting with other women in your community.
Ditch Societal Expectations
To combat mommy burnout, it can be beneficial to disregard societal expectations and pressures that can be overwhelming and contribute to burnout.
By releasing some of these expectations, you can reduce stress and concentrate on what truly matters – finding equilibrium for yourself and your family.
Focus on making decisions that suit your circumstances rather than conforming to external opinions. This may mean making significant changes, such as a career switch, relocating, or selecting one volunteer activity to excel.
Embrace a slower-paced approach to life, which can boost creativity and cultivate a sense of tranquility.
How Do Stay-At-Home Moms Beat Burnout?
Stay-at-home mom burnout is a phenomenon that occurs when mothers who care full-time for their homes and children become overwhelmed and exhausted from the daily demands of caregiving.
Many stay-at-home moms experience burnout due to the following:
- The constant lack of sleep
- Stress from managing children’s schedules
- Household chores
- Balancing their interests and relationships
- Never taking a break
- Social isolation
The emotional load associated with managing a household can leave moms feeling underappreciated, lonely, and stuck in their roles, leaving them looking for ways to beat their burnout.
Keep reading to find out some ways a SAHM can beat burnout.
Reconnect With Loved Ones
As social creatures, having meaningful interactions can significantly reduce stress levels.
Being in the company of loved ones can also improve mental health, leave you feeling empowered, refresh your mind and body, and energize your soul.
Additionally, spending quality time with your pet also has many benefits. It can:
- Significantly improve your mood
- Create feelings of love and trust
- Calm anxiety and depression
- Improve heart health
- Prevent certain illnesses
- Help you stay in shape and keep you active
Stay Mentally Stimulated To Beat Mom Burnout
For stay-at-home moms, staying mentally stimulated can be a challenge. But there are ways to ensure that your mental wellness is a priority during these times.
Here are some tips for keeping your head in the game:
- Get organized
- Do something creative
- Exercise
- Socialize (digitally or in person)
- Take a break and not feel guilty
- Read a good book
Learn To Breathe Correctly
By learning to breathe correctly, a SAHM can unlock numerous benefits.
Proper breathing promotes:
- Relaxation
- Rejuvenation
- Improved blood pressure
- Controlled feelings of overwhelmed
- Better restful sleep
- Reduced stress and anxiety levels
- Relief of back and neck pain
- Healthier cognitive function
Last Minute Tips For A SAHM To Beat Burnout
Here are some last-minute ideas for stay-at-home moms to beat burnout:
- Take up a new hobby, learn something new
- Challenge yourself to read a book a month
- Create something tangible
- Spend time outdoors
- Look for volunteer opportunities
- Listen to inspiring podcast episodes or audiobooks
- Take part in online competitions or challenges
- Engage in meaningful conversations with friends and family
How Do I Help My Burnt-out Wife?
It’s vital to help your burned-out wife. By helping her, you can alleviate some of her stress, provide emotional support, and promote a healthier lifestyle.
Here are some ways you can help your burnt-out wife:
- First, take over some of her responsibilities with the household and childcare
- Encourage her to take breaks and offer to take the kids for a day so she can relax
- Listen to her without judgment and validate her feelings
- Help her prioritize tasks and set boundaries at work and home
- Encourage healthy habits such as exercise, eating well, and getting enough sleep
- Show appreciation for her hard work and offer to cook healthy meals for her
- Plan fun activities and outings together to help her unwind
- Be understanding and empathetic to her struggles
- Encourage her to seek professional help if needed
- Above all, let her know you support her and are there for her
Conclusion: Beat Your Burned-Out Mom Blues
Being a mom is no easy feat, and experiencing burnout is common.
However, with the expert tips in this blog, you know what you can do to shift your mindset and take control of your life.
Are there any tips that you’ve found helpful when it comes to dealing with burnout? Did we leave anything out?
We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Cinderella's Bookshelf
References
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2022). Burned-out Fathers and Untold Stories: Mixed Methods Investigation of the Demands and Resources of Finnish Fathers. Family Journal, 30(4), 611–620. https://doi.org/10.1177/10664807211052477
- Greene, R. (2013). Mastery. Penguin Books.
- Hansotte, L., Nguyen, N., Roskam, I., Stinglhamber, F., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). Are all Burned Out Parents Neglectful and Violent? A Latent Profile Analysis. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 30(1), 158–168. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01850-x
- Bornstein, M. H. (2020). “Parental Burnout”: The state of the science. New Directions for Child & Adolescent Development, 2020(174), 169–184. https://doi.org/10.1002/cad.20388
- Steptoe, S. (2003). Ready, Set, RELAX! TIME Magazine, 162(17), 38–41.
- Ziegler, S. (2018). Mommy burnout: How to reclaim your life and raise healthier children in the process. Dey St., an imprint of William Morrow.
- Hansotte, L., Nguyen, N., Roskam, I., Stinglhamber, F., & Mikolajczak, M. (2021). Are all Burned Out Parents Neglectful and Violent? A Latent Profile Analysis. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 30(1), 158–168. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-020-01850-x
- DR. DAVID RAINHAM. (n.d.). Are You Burned Out? Test Helps You Decide. Record, The (Kitchener/Cambridge/Waterloo, ON).
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- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2020). Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 29(3), 648–659. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01607-1
- Greene, R. (2013). Mastery. Penguin Books.
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2020). Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 29(3), 648–659. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01607-1
- DR. DAVID RAINHAM. (n.d.). Are You Burned Out? Test Helps You Decide. Record, The (Kitchener/Cambridge/Waterloo, ON).
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- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2022). Burned-out Fathers and Untold Stories: Mixed Methods Investigation of the Demands and Resources of Finnish Fathers. Family Journal, 30(4), 611–620. https://doi.org/10.1177/10664807211052477
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2020). Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 29(3), 648–659. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01607-1
- DR. DAVID RAINHAM. (n.d.). Are You Burned Out? Test Helps You Decide. Record, The (Kitchener/Cambridge/Waterloo, ON).
- Bornstein, M. H. (2020). “Parental Burnout”: The state of the science. New Directions for Child & Adolescent Development, 2020(174), 169–184. https://doi.org/10.1002/cad.20388
- Bright Horizons Family Solutions Inc. (12 C.E., Winter 2017). New Research Shows the "Mental Load" is Real and Significantly Impacts Working Mothers Both at Home and Work. Business Wire (English).
- Wendy Tuohy. (2022, June 17). Mental load is a mother load. Age, The (Melbourne), 1.
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2022). Burned-out Fathers and Untold Stories: Mixed Methods Investigation of the Demands and Resources of Finnish Fathers. Family Journal, 30(4), 611–620. https://doi.org/10.1177/10664807211052477
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2020). Risk Factors for Parental Burnout among Finnish Parents: The Role of Socially Prescribed Perfectionism. Journal of Child & Family Studies, 29(3), 648–659. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01607-1
- Sorkkila, M., & Aunola, K. (2022). Burned-out Fathers and Untold Stories: Mixed Methods Investigation of the Demands and Resources of Finnish Fathers. Family Journal, 30(4), 611–620. https://doi.org/10.1177/10664807211052477
- Corporation, N. C. (2018). The Direct Line. An Official Nightingale Conant Publication.
- Assagioli, R. (2010). The act of will. Association for the Advancement of Psychosynthesis.
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