This all-inclusive guide is designed to help get you started down the path of overcoming perfectionism and the grip and strangulation it possesses over you.
Let’s get right into it!
Am I A Perfectionist?
Overcoming perfectionism is starting to laugh at your blunders and learning from them.
As humans, we make mistakes. We become ridiculous sometimes. We make wrong decisions, we can even fall in love with the wrong people!
Making mistakes isn’t supposed to cause us continual grief. They are simply indicators that we were not designed to be perfect, even if we want to be.
Signs Of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is distinctly characterized by a craving for absolute flawlessness.
Here are some indicators that you may have fallen into a ‘wanting to be perfect’ trap, or you truly are a perfectionist to the core.
1. Control Freak
In a group project, you inevitably take the lead and decide what task goes to who.
While walking the extra mile is a great attitude, it becomes detrimental if you’re doing it just to make sure that everything is done the right way… your way.
For you, others can never be right. You have a difficult time working in a group if you are not in control.
2. Delegation - BIG No No!
Even when the tasks at hand are too much for you, you never give others a chance to help; trusting they won’t do the right thing.
You think that you need to have a grip on everything so that the output will be right.
You believe that once you delegate tasks, things won’t be as good as they should be, or worse, they will go haywire.
3. No Mistakes For You
A person with a positive mindset will allow for mistakes and learn from them.
A perfectionist finds it hard to forgive themselves for committing a blunder.
Instead of seeing the mistake as a learning opportunity, they condemn and put pressure on themselves for not foreseeing every possible problem. You feel laughable and insufficient, even stupid.
These emotions cause feelings of lack of self-worth, sometimes to an extent that you lose all productivity.
4. Criticism Makes You Feel Defensive
It is normal for anyone to get upset when someone says something harsh or says a negative comment about them.
However, there’s a huge difference between a punishing statement and one intended to help you improve.
A perfectionist will have a hard time distinguishing between the two and will often hit out at a constructive comment.
5. You Can't Celebrate Your Success
For you, nothing is ever good enough.
Despite meeting and completing your goal, you believe you could and should have done it better.
A perfectionist doesn’t recognize the minor ‘wins’ and can’t feel the pleasure and fulfillment of a job well done. Instead, flaws are always found.
For you, something is always wrong, even though the outcome may be exactly what was expected.
6. Other People's Approval Is Everything
In your mind, other people must be the judge of your work. You find it hard to judge your own accomplishments. If you do, it’s usually a negative comment to yourself.
You desire their endorsement and appreciation above all else. To you, it’s all that matters!
A perfectionist focuses more on what people will say about the efforts than the undertaking itself.
Why Am I A Perfectionist?
Perfectionists can be incredibly self-motivated and driven toward achieving goals and expectations, often in unbalanced, unhealthy, and excessive ways.
Regardless of all the energy and effort, they’re never happy enough with the results, making them feel defeated.
In a perfectionist’s world, their self-worth, satisfaction, and happiness are linked almost solely to unattainable successful outcomes.
How does this mindset that everything needs to be perfect develop?
Why are some people predisposed toward seeking perfection, even if it is unattainable?
Here are 5 root causes of why some people become a perfectionist.
1. Deep Internal Pressure
Even if we’re not conscious of it, we’re all driven by something. Our actions are driven by our emotions and motivations.
Most perfectionists have a deep internal pressure to perform well and prove themselves. There’s always a reason for this. It can be drawn from a positive memory, where they are motivated to live up to an image that people they care about expected of them.
Whether the pressure comes from a place of lack, or a place of love, something deep inside them motivates perfectionists to perform to their extreme best at all times.
2. Self-Worth Issues
Being a perfectionist can be due to an internal self-worth issue that’s unresolved.
A perfectionist feels that they have to over-deliver to compensate for not being perfect.
For perfectionists, their value as a person is conditional and based mostly on their accomplishments. They want to feel deserving, so they give their all, and even then expect to give more.
Ways perfectionism is ruining your self-esteem:
- You ignore your greatness
- You forget what defines you
- You don’t accept compliments
- You compare yourself to others
3. Wanting Acceptance And Validation
Being a perfectionist can start in the home early in life.
Learning that acceptance comes from meeting certain expected standards, perfectionists often seek validation and acceptance from other people.
Perfectionists truly believe that they will only receive validation when they’ve perfectly delivered what’s acceptable and expected from them. Perfectionists who grew up receiving loving rewards for certain behaviors could be in constant need of the same loving acceptance and validation as an adult.
They run the risk of constantly feeling like a failure if they do not get this validation or receive positive feedback for their actions. They don’t need to do this in reality, but for them to feel worthy, they do.
4. Fear Of Rejection
It’s not until the perfectionist gets the approval of others do they feel successful.
To a perfectionist, success provides a sense of belonging and acceptance. There can be no rejection if they are seen as being perfect.
In their mind, successful people are well-liked and sought after and not likely to be rejected by others. This is important to them.
Living in fear of rejection feels terrible, stifles creativity, and slows down your progression as a person.
5. Their Beliefs And Mindset
A person with a fixed mindset is often fixed in their beliefs about what they can or can’t do in life.
Perfectionists often have a fixed mindset, which pushes them to strive hard at what they are good at. They can be fixated on the idea that they’re only good at certain things, so they stay in their comfort zone, only doing what they can do perfectly.
It’s not only a negative disposition to have, it can be incredibly limiting. It can cause them to be perfectionists in even the smallest areas of their life.
Why Perfectionism Is Bad
The constant need for perfection can be dangerous, and have adverse effects on your overall health and wellness. Striving to be perfect can be harmful in so many ways.
Here are some top reasons why you need to stop aiming for perfection.
It Leads To Mental And Physical Health Problems
Striving to be perfect all the time can put a strain on your mental and physical health, leading to a long list of health problems. It causes much more than just making people depressed and anxious.
Perfectionism can lead to:
- Insomnia
- Eating Disorders
- Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- Chronic Headaches
- Digestive Disorders
- Chronic Stress
- Adrenal Fatigue
- A Weakened Immune System
- Elevated Blood Pressure Levels
- An Increased Risk Of A Heart Attack
Perfectionistic teenagers are especially vulnerable to mental health issues as they try to fit in and please their peers. It can even lead to suicidal thoughts if they believe they can’t live up to other people’s expectations.
It Hurts Your Productivity
When you’re very focused on perfection, it tends to lead to procrastination. This causes a project to take a longer time than expected, stripping away at extra me-time you can take for yourself.
Instead of getting things done, you may feel you need to go over everything again, for the nth time, to ensure that it is planned perfectly, right down to the smallest detail.
You may not have even started anything at all because you are still waiting for the right moment. Or you will start right after you finish another project you want to do, but you can’t start that one yet either.
You’re waiting for what? It will never be the right time if you don’t make it right. Unfortunately, if you wait too long, the opportunity for getting things done may slip past you.
Don’t let perfectionism be the cause of procrastination that kills your productivity. You’ll end up in a vicious circle of self-hatred.
You Feel Never Good Enough
Do you:
- Regret EVERY small mistake you’ve ever made?
- Beat yourself up for minor errors because you believe that you could have avoided them?
- Constantly say “I’m sorry” for no reason at all?
- Find it very hard to forgive yourself?
- Put a lot of blame on yourself for past mistakes?
- Feel that you are never good enough and that you could have always done something better?
Perfectionism can also make you expect too much from other people. You may have extremely high standards and impossible expectations.
Unfortunately, instead of attracting great people and partners in your life, you are most likely driving them away. They cannot live up to your level of perfectionism and feel overwhelmed. So they move on.
As a result, you become sadder – which is the opposite of the happiness you were hoping for. You don’t understand why because you are being as perfect as you can be.
Shouldn’t they appreciate that in you?
The answer is no. You make them feel inadequate and useless.
Harmful Effects Of Perfectionism
When you find yourself trapped in the rabbit hole of perfectionism, stop digging. Don’t let it consume you.
To counter the effects of perfectionism, it’s time to start doing the following.
- Embrace and accept your flaws
- Forgive, be kind to, and love yourself
- Practice mindfulness
- Don’t fear failure
- You need to fail to succeed
- Remember, you are good enough, and you don’t need to be perfect to be loved and respected
- Don’t waste your time living up to the expectations of other people
- Stop spending your time trying to please everyone
Perfectionism is not sustainable, and it can exhaust you.
When you accept your imperfections and see them from a different perspective, you will notice how liberating they can be.
You’ll turn your flaws into opportunities for growth and developing your self-worth. You’ll feel freer and happier, knowing that you don’t need other people’s approval.
When you stay genuine, you will attract in your life the right people whom you can have meaningful connections and relationships with.
That could be the key to real happiness.
Progress Not Perfection
Why does perfectionism affect progress?
We all need progress and growth, which is why we work hard and set goals.
Perfectionists, however, are preoccupied not with getting things done, but with doing them perfectly.
Working towards a goal can be challenging enough without mixing in exceedingly high expectations. This makes disappointments inevitable.
The need to achieve flawlessness often becomes the real enemy to people’s progress, as well as their ability to succeed.
A perfectionist mindset can affect the way you think, work, and view yourself. If you allow a fear of failure to take hold, then that can greatly impede your progress and ultimate success too.
Here’s how perfectionism can hamper your progress:
1. Perfectionism Keeps You From Being Efficient
Requiring an extreme amount of energy, time, and resources, a perfectionist puts everything they have into it when tackling a project.
As a result, they may not be efficient at all, as they can spread themselves too thin and run out of ‘oomph.’ There just isn’t enough time or energy to attain the desired end.
Perfectionism shifts the priority from getting things done effectively, to causing a project to take much longer than expected.
This means that a perfectionist may appear to be inefficient as they may not be able to complete tasks on time.
2. Perfectionism Is Stressful And Impedes Progress
Having to make everything perfect puts a person under enormous pressure. This induces worry, fear, and anxiety, especially if they are taking longer than they would like on a project.
Additionally, being stressed is not conducive to working efficiently, productively, or making the right decisions.
Perfectionism keeps you stuck, more than it gives you the ability to move forward and progress.
“Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.”
Effective work is about moving toward the desired destination, and it’s messy sometimes. Ensure time is not wasted obsessing over the little things.
3. Perfection Impacts Your Emotions And Motivation Negatively
There is definitely some emotional anxiety associated with a perfectionist mindset.
When things don’t happen the way you expect them to, you may become completely overwhelmed, to a point where positive action may become a challenge.
Consistent action is necessary for achieving timely goals, and perfectionism can affect your level of motivation and consistency.
It is necessary to think objectively and be clear-minded when approaching tasks, but this is very difficult to do when the focus is on perfection.
4. Perfectionism And Procrastination
One of the common reasons why people procrastinate is that obtaining perfection isn’t easy.
Perfectionists need circumstances to be in order before they take action, therefore, they regularly delay starting anything as a result.
A perfectionist mindset is not best matched with working on goals bound by timeframes. If beating deadlines and achieving progress is more important to you, it’s often better to approach things realistically and practically.
Learning to accept circumstances as they are always makes achieving goals easier.
5. Perfectionism Takes The Focus Out Of Progress
Perfectionists feel and think that they’re giving the best results on a project, but the opposite is true.
Perfectionism takes the focus out of the actual progress of the project and shifts it into multiple bothersome details that aren’t relevant to achieving the goal.
Learn to focus less on achieving perfection and more on taking consistent action regardless of the situation. Doing this creates more of the much-needed progress and growth needed in life.
Perfectionism Destroys Happiness
Trying to live a perfect life can be unhealthy, physically and emotionally, and cause you constant stress and unhappiness.
We do not have to wait for our life to be perfect to be happy right now. Can we be happy now? The answer is YES. You can be happy right now even if your situation is less than perfect.
A perfectionist has the best intentions. They want to give their best effort in reaching a goal, but instead of taking action, their fears can paralyze them and lead to inaction.
In their worry, they behave in counterproductive ways.
They may constantly procrastinate (even if they know exactly what to do and how to do it), feel unworthy and doubtful, and not take action at all.
Perfectionists can be so filled with doubt that they don’t believe they deserve the success and happiness they’re seeking. They don’t realize that they can achieve anything they set their minds to.
When viewed objectively perfectionism is usually regarded as a negative trait. It is recognized that its effects can be damaging to a person’s overall physical and mental well-being.
Overcome Perfectionism And Be Happy Now
Perfectionism is a choice. Happiness is a choice.
You must decide to be happy. Tomorrow, or next month, is not a guarantee. You don’t have to wait for your life to be perfect to be happy.
If you can accept that life will never be perfect and that unhappiness is a part of life, then your life will become more enjoyable. With that mindset, happiness will find you instead of you chasing it.
Think about this for a moment. If you cannot make yourself happy now as a perfectionist, how will your life be happier in the future?
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Perfectionism destroys happiness, so work on overcoming it as quickly as possible to achieve inner peace and happiness.
"I am a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring "good-enoughist."
Seek Excellence
For many of us, every day is a challenge to be greater.
In our early years, we are taught and expected to achieve high marks in our exams as this often becomes the basis for our evaluations. As we age, this strive for perfection continues and quite often becomes more difficult to achieve.
To be the perfect son or daughter, husband or wife, father or mother, friend or employee is a goal many of us would like to achieve. After all, who doesn’t want to be seen as being perfect?
However, the more you desire perfection, the more disappointment you may feel.
What Are The Differences Between Perfectionism And Excellence?
Instead of striving for perfection seek excellence.
Below is the difference between perfection and excellence and why it is better to strive for excellence.
1. Your Focus
When a perfectionist strives for perfection, they see the outcome as the end all be all; all success depends on the achievement of that goal.
The process is often overlooked.
The journey is not enjoyed and there is no mindful appreciation of the experience. Other people’s feelings and needs may be overlooked and you may deny yourself many pleasures.
Alternatively, when seeking excellence, you focus on the process rather than the results. Of course, you maintain an awareness of the desired outcomes. However, you value the process and gain from it no matter the outcome.
Whether you achieve your goal or not, you come out a winner as you learn from the journey and experience.
2. Your Perception Of Mistakes
When you aim for perfection, a mistake is a big NO.
For a perfectionist, a mistake is a big drawback. If you make a mistake, then you feel you have failed miserably.
On the other hand, mistakes are viewed as feedback and opportunities for improvement when you aim for excellence. They will push you forward rather than hold you back.
You may fall temporarily but you come back stronger.
3. Your Goal
Perfectionists often make goals that are unreasonably high, making them sometimes impossible to achieve. This causes unneeded stress because the goal requires so much effort.
When seeking excellence, you still set challenging objectives, but ones that are more realistic, and your hard work pays off at the end of the day.
Achievable targets are set and attained and enthusiasm is maintained.
4. Your View Of Other People
When seeking perfection, friendly advice can sound like criticism, possibly resulting in relationships becoming adversarial at times.
Comments can easily be taken negatively, creating thoughts of criticism, not helpfulness.
If you seek excellence, you can objectively determine whether or not another person’s words are meant to be positive and helpful. This makes relationships collaborative rather than combative, as you recognize that other people help motivate you to grow.
5. Your Take On New Things
As a perfectionist, you detest and fear failure. This fear limits you from taking on new things and challenging yourself.
Rather than trying something new, you prefer to just keep doing what you have been doing, because you have become so good at it that you know you are less likely to fail.
If you want to pursue excellence, you take risks by doing something new.
If and when you ‘fail’, you take this as a lesson and still pat yourself on the back for taking on the challenge of doing something new.
6. Your Satisfaction
When your goal is perfection, you long for other people’s appreciation of your efforts.
However, when your aim is for excellence, you do not require others’ recognition or vindication for satisfaction. Even if no one recognizes your success, you still feel happy because you know you have accomplished something worthwhile.
You don’t need anyone’s approval to make you feel successful or happy.
You can achieve far less than ‘perfection’ and still be happy because your efforts were worth it. You gave it your best, even if the results weren’t what you expected.
Who Is Perfect?
Did you know that Thomas Edison’s teachers told him that he was too stupid to learn anything? Imagine if he had believed them.
As an inventor, Edison failed many, many times while attempting to design the light bulb. When asked by a reporter about his failings, Edison replied, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
Did you know the producer of Oprah Winfrey’s first job on television thought she was unfit for television?
Imagine if she had listened to their opinion of her and quit! Witnessing her success today makes you feel like she could never have appeared unfit for television at all.
These two scenarios are among the hundreds of inspiring stories we can read, of how accomplished people today have triumphed over failure, and all because they didn’t worry about being told they weren’t perfect.
They viewed themselves as human beings who are allowed to make mistakes or ‘fail’. It didn’t stop them from wanting to achieve their goals in life.
These individuals never worried that they might fail again and again, or that people might think of them as not being good enough.
Dealing With Perfectionism
1. Transform Your Mindset
How you look at the world decides how you will respond to life’s challenges. It will determine how you deal with what life dishes up to you.
As an adult, it’s obvious to see that life is far from perfect.
It is absurd to think that you can be perfect in an unperfect world. If you keep on aspiring to be perfect or expect things to be perfect all the time, you will experience a deluge of disappointments.
Once disappointment sets in, you can get depressed, you may stop doing anything productive, you may even feel as if you should just stop doing everything or anything.
So, before that happens, change how you think. Change your mindset to a positive one and adapt your perspective to any unforeseen situations that may come your way.
2. Eliminate Fear Of Failure And Learn From It
However intelligent you are, however systematic you have planned your life, things can go wrong and there are hundreds of reasons why it may feel like you have failed.
When thoughts of failure set in, tell yourself immediately that you have not failed.
Take a look at that perceived failure and try to dissect it. Where did you go wrong? What led to the catastrophe? What could you have done differently?
When you can clarify things about what you were doing that perhaps led to the undesired outcome, you will be ready to embrace the failings and learn from them.
3. What You Can't Do Doesn't Define You
Since you are a human being, there will be millions of things that you won’t be able to do and accomplish.
However, these frailties, these flaws, the things you can’t do, don’t define you. Always remember that.
Instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, think of the things that you can do.
If you focus on the things that you can’t do, nothing will ever be achieved, which is a sure path to failure.
4. It's Just Not Possible
If you are ruthlessly aiming for perfection, PLEASE STOP!
Why? Because your quest for perfection will lead you to cynicism and take away the joy of living right here and now, at this moment.
Remember that in today’s world, everything is in continuous flux. Things change rapidly, and sometimes, you don’t even notice it.
If you think something is perfect today, it doesn’t mean it will be perfect tomorrow.
How To Overcome Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a mindset and a set of self-sabotaging behaviors that can cause a person to act contrary to their goals.
Even though it seems like perfectionism is the pathway to success, it is truthfully a detour full of self-sabotaging behaviors.
Learn how to overcome perfectionism tendencies so it doesn’t harm you emotionally.
1. Don't Compare Yourself With Others
It’s difficult to appreciate your value if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. You may be comparing yourself to friends, other family members, or even people you don’t even know personally.
If you are looking on social media at everyone else’s so-called ‘achievements’ and then thinking you have inadequacies, think again!
The people on social media are only sharing what they want you to see. They may not have achieved anything at all for all you know.
If you compare your success with high-profile figures, you are doing yourself an even bigger disservice. Comparing ourselves to other people is unnecessary and only a burden that’ll keep us off track.
2. Set SMART Goals
Goals are great, but not executing your goals will not lead you to progress.
Try setting specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound goals.
If your goals are excessively unrealistic, they can overwhelm you with anxiety, doubt, and fear. So be smart and make smart goals!
3. Aim For Progress Not Perfection
Start challenging your thoughts about yourself. When you do, stop any negative self-talk that’s making you procrastinate and not take action.
Being a perfectionist can hold you back from progressing, as it keeps you bound by fear.
You may be overthinking everything until your thoughts consume you with fear. So be aware of your thoughts. Chances are it’s the reason why you’re not progressing towards your end goals.
Progress is more important than perfection.
There’s usually no such thing as ‘the right time.’ Don’t wait for there to be one.
You may have had tasks to complete for days, months, or even years. Start that project that is holding you back from moving forward today. You may surprise yourself with how quickly it is done with a little bit of action.
Remember it doesn’t need to be actioned perfectly!
4. Don't Be Afraid Of Making A Mistake
If there’s been something you’ve been planning to do for a while, and all that you need to do is take action, is it that you are afraid to make a mistake, or make a decision that could fail?
Not taking action may not create any mistakes or failures, but it will definitely keep you standing in the same place.
"Never hold back from firing the arrow if all that paralyzes you is the fear of making a mistake."
5. Cultivate A Growth Mindset
One of the most important mindsets to cultivate when overcoming perfectionism is a mindset geared towards growth.
A growth mindset strives for progress, regardless of your natural talents and abilities.
It’s putting all your judgments about yourself in the backseat and allowing positive action to determine your future.
Believe that you can, and take action that reflects this positive belief in yourself.
How To Beat Perfectionism
If you realize that you are a perfectionist and that you are damaging your chances of being happy right now, here is what you can start doing.
- Stop being too hard on yourself and avoid negative self-talk.
- Accept your mistakes and don’t think of yourself as a failure.
- Know that not everything can be completed flawlessly. You are human after all. Accept less than perfect outcomes.
- Accept that you cannot control everything. You don’t want to be a control freak as well as a perfectionist!
- Stop stressing about what other people are doing. Know that they are doing it to the best of their ability. If they’re not, that’s their problem, so try not to make it yours!
- Tone down your perfectionism by making realistic and achievable goals.
- Don’t expect too much from yourself or others.
- Admit that being perfect is next to impossible.
Start overcoming your perfectionism right now with a little test. Do one thing you have procrastinated on lately for fear of failing or making a boo-boo.
Remember you don’t need to get a perfect score.
Conclusion: Overcoming Perfectionism
Seek excellence, accept mistakes, take risks, and challenge yourself to start enjoying the journey of life, today.
Now, we’d like to hear from you. What small risks have you taken to draw yourself from your comfort zone?
Please, share your comments below.
